Loves Me? In Loves Me Not?

I still love my girlfriend, but I'm no longer in love with her. What should I do? A.G.

Every so often someone claims they love someone but are not in love with them.  This is an intriguing concept, and, with one exception, love is the only emotion we can "have" and also "be in".  That exception is fear - we can fear someone and also be in fear of them.  This is actually indicative of a psychic truth.

Extreme states of being in love, sometimes called infatuation, are physiologically similar to extreme states of fear, even though one is experienced as pleasurable and the other as painful.  Being in love or in fear can literally swamp our thinking brains and overwhelm our perceptions.

While in the heightened emotional state of being in love we can experience our beloved as the fulfillment of all our wishes, and see them as the embodiment of everything we believe we lack. Possible rational thoughts from our thinking brains are but peashooters against this groundswell of euphoria.

However, as we know, all highs have a half-life, and recovering our thinking brain can initially feel like crashing against the rocks. It is tempting to blame our partner for this, and to feel they must have betrayed or deceived us.

But if we can hang in there, we have the chance to come to see our partner as they really are. The journey of real love can begin. And as we come to tolerate and even embrace our partner's flaws, we can come to do the same with our own. 

Love is measured by depth, not by height.

This post is contributed by a community member. The views expressed in this blog are those of the author and do not necessarily reflect those of Patch Media Corporation. Everyone is welcome to submit a post to Patch. If you'd like to post a blog, go here to get started.


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