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Chris Orders Ashlee to Vegas; Melissa Records Ballad for Joe

Two episodes in and still no real drama between the "Housewives."

While not every episode of the “Real Housewives of New Jersey” can have a table-flipping moment, this season seems to be moving especially slow towards presenting the audience with even some minor drama. 

The show opened with the aftereffects of Chris Laurita telling stepdaughter Ashlee Holmes last episode that she had to leave for Las Vegas the next day. Ashlee was frantically trying to pack while simultaneously freaking out about flying.

Holmes’ mother Jacqueline Laurita seemed unaffected by Ashlee’s episode.

Both Jacqueline and Chris (who did on-camera confessionals for the first time this season) seemed secure in their decision to send Holmes away indefinitely.

“Ashlee’s been self-destructing…” Jacqueline said. “Ripping her hair out will not solve anything. Although I have pulled her hair before. It didn’t work.”

Holmes’ cousin Albie Manzo (son of housewife Caroline Manzo) came to take Holmes to the airport.

Unfortunately, Holmes missed her flight. Albie read her tweets aloud to her parents, revealing that she failed to launch because she was “on a mission” to find Dunkin Donuts and got lost in the airport. Her family had some not-so-kind things to say about it.

 “If CJ [Laurita’s 9-year-old son] had been in that airport, he would have found it,” Chris said.

Poker and a gold-digger

The Lauritas invited the entire cast of the show over for dinner the night their daughter was scheduled to leave to Vegas. It was apparently set up this way so the men could play poker and the women could sit around and gossip.

The gossip turned to awkward silence after Teresa Giudice decided to hold what Caroline calls a “press event” about her comments in her cookbook “Fabulicious.”

“I know there’s been talks amongst you all about my book,” she said. “I didn’t mean offense to anyone. So whoever took offense to it I apologize.”

Giudice’s sister-in-law Melissa Gorga, however, felt betrayed not by the book but by a comment Giudice made to Gorga’s husband Joe insinuating she was a gold-digger.

“I don’t [care] about the cookbook,” Gorga said. “My sister-in-law called me a gold-digger. But you know what? I think I heard an apology.”

At least all the women did was talk.

Richard Wakile and Joe Giudice got into a scuffle that resulted in Giudice accidentally getting a black eye.

In summary: Giudice went to grab Wakile only Wakile twisted out of the way. Both men crashed onto the couch and Giudice’s head hit a candlestick.

Meanwhile, Caroline Manzo took her daughter Lauren to a diet specialist to help her lose weight (another plot line extended from the third season.) Dr. Perricone gave Lauren what appeared to be a smoothie that she had to eat as a meal.

“I think the diet is going to work because it’s the closest thing to anorexia,” Lauren said. “I guess if it keeps me alive, it’s great.”

Joe Wakile and Twitter

Kathy Wakile expressed concern that her son Joe, who was been elected sophomore class president, was getting by on charisma alone. Richard Wakile took Joe to see the gas station he owns and tried to stress the importance of hard work to his son. Being only 15, Joe seemed disengaged in what his father was trying to tell him.

Joe became much more animated when Kathy found Joe was sent naked photos to the email account that is linked to all of the Wakiles’ Twitter accounts.

In one of the most exciting moments of the season so far, Kathy e-mailed the girl back, saying she hope she could find something better to do with her beauty other than e-mailing naked pictures to a 15 year old.

“I wish my wife would have handled it in such a way that I could have replied and said ‘hold that thought for three years,’” Richard said.

A ballad for Joe

Melissa Gorga’s desire to break into the music business was featured in the episode. Gorga recorded a love ballad for her husband Joe in the studio he built her in the basement of their Montville home.

“You need to really look at him,” her producer Corte Ellis told her. “Look at how he supports you. Not everyone gets a studio in their basement.”

Melissa agreed and told Joe so over a romantic dinner.

“This life that I’m living right now is a dream come true,” she say=id. “And I’m just happy and what I did was I took all these things I’m feeling and I wrote a song for you. I made a ballad.”

She then plays it for him. While clearly flattered, Joe mostly has one thing on his mind.

“I can’t believe how hot that song makes me feel. I’m just turned on,” he said, as he carried Melissa to the bedroom.

Then things got interesting in the Giudice household.

While Teresa attended a book signing, Joe stayed home to care for his four girls. However, the girls seemed to take care of each other while Joe cooked for Chris Laurita, Chris Manzo, and Albie Manzo.

Joe Giudice seemed he was out to prove something to everyone.

“I think when Joe sees his wife having all this success, it’s hard,” Melissa said.

The episode ended where it began: Ashlee rushed to the airport, only this time Chris Laurita drove her. A more emotional Jacqueline looked through scrapbooks of her kids, wondering if Ashlee will ever forgive her for sending her away.

While this week might have been more of the same, next week’s episode promises to be more eventful, with a possible physical fight between Melissa and Teresa.

Editor’s note: New episodes of “The Real Housewives of New Jersey” airs 10 p.m. Sunday on Bravo.

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